Monday, November 27, 2006

I do, because superheroes need to get papers done too

In answer to questions posed in the last entry, superheroes can in fact be programming gurus - but only when they've got their papers finished. Damned things are killing me. I hope I can think of enough things to write (and fill up two more pages, double-spaced) before I fall flat on the keyboard. This weekend was exhausting to say the least. As much work as I'm putting into my classes right now, I'm just not going to make the grades I used to anymore. This is so wrong... There is one thing that I'm looking forward to: SNOW!! Apparently, we're getting quite a bit of snow tomorrow. Can't wait. If only I could get the paper done. I hate taking classes that require papers alongside classes that require all of your time and focus on learning technically challenging material. And T C 231 isn't the last of these kinds of classes I'll have to take. 333 will be a(n) . Argh!! I'm done stalling. Back to that paper!!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Who says a superhero can't be a programming guru?

Let's face it. In this day and age, being a superhero is just not enough. I mean, we don't even get paid for our "community service." How are we supposed to feed ourselves? -and our superfamilies? So, as you'd know if you've been reading this blog here, I'm at UW trying to become a computer engineer. And for the last 3 days, I've been working non-stop on programming assignments. Ask me anything right now - linked lists, stacks / queues, recursion, array programming...

I think it's just about time I hit the tree data structures. At this rate, I'll be a real programming guru in less than a year! Then I'll have superpowers beyond my weirdest dreams. Note usage of the adjective "weird" in place of "wild." In my wild dreams... oh, you don't even want to know. But in the weird dreams, I'm a Java/C++/Python/LISP/... magician.

Back to making those dreams a reality!

Friday, November 17, 2006

What happened to the person I used to be?

Lately, I've been asking myself "what happened to the person I used to be?" I've devoted every waking moment for the past few weeks trying to put an end to this trying part of my life. I keep lying to myself that motivation will come out of nowhere once I get back on track and start doing things right with my life. But it's been tough. I'm just not focused or motivated like I used to be and it's really upsetting me.

At one point, I just got so frustrated with myself that I decided to write down how I feel to sort out my thoughts and form a plan to get myself out of this. Here's the list of things about myself that I'd like to fix.
  • Why do I have to be such a perfectionist?
  • I lack the leadership skills to manage my own life. Why is that?
  • Why can I never focus on the task at hand?
  • Why do I always daydream and get nostalgic at the most inappropriate times?
  • Why haven't I been paying attention to the people that matter most in my life - my parents, my friends and my teachers?
  • What is it that I do with my time? I'm always busy but nothing ever gets finished.
  • Why don't I know what I'll be doing a week from now?
  • Why do I never finish things I start?
  • Why don't I keep a regular schedule and work out more?
They say (don't ask me who "they" are) that quite a bit of the things you say to yourself is negative. But I don't think that most people usually walk around utterly consumed by recurring, humiliating thoughts that seem to drain the life out of them.

I've been trying hard to find a cure for this within myself, but I think it's time to look on the outside. I've found a couple of good websites but they seem to be directed more at people who totally hate themselves (unlike me). Remember, as crappy as I feel, I'm still a superhero and we never let ourselves completely fall apart. Check out these links. They might help if you're trying to feel better about yourself too.

http://www.region.peel.on.ca/health/commhlth/selfest/selftalk.htm
http://realityshifters.com/pages/articles/reversenegativeselftalk.html

Although there seems to be no problem with my self-esteem and stuff, I'm just really disappointed with myself for not getting anything done. This is anger, not depression. I've done my homework on that :D Seems like everybody's saying "Fake it till you make it." Turns out that lying to yourself just might work. So, onward! For a better life! - and one more productive! Nobody is taking my future job away from me!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Success Is In My Blood

Several weeks ago, I donated blood for the first time. It's just one of those things that I did on an impulse. I saw one of those mobile blood donation centers right beside Paul Allen one day and I felt like doing something good. Back then, I was pretty out of shape. Having a lower red cell count for the time I started working out again felt like a good idea. The reasoning was similar to why athletes train at high altitudes - there's lower levels of oxygen going into your body and you need to learn to be really efficient with your movement. OK, it's also a little like blood doping, but I wasn't going to get my blood reinjected. Now for the real reason I brought up the topic.

For the longest time, I wanted to know what my blood type was. Thanks to the tests they perform on donated blood, I finally learned what mine was. The envelopes please... *drum roll*

I've got type A+ blood.

A+! You know what that means? That means that there's no way I can fail! Now that I know that success literally flows in my veins, I'm so fired up to face that math midterm this wednesday - and all my other to-do's. My life is kind of like that Captain Morgan commercial right now. Remember? "Got a little captain in you?" Replace "Captain" with A+!

Yes! I'm so full of myself right now. You would be too if you had a little A+ in you!

Brotha from Anotha Motha

Recently, I made a new friend named Longfei. Even though we've hung out for less than 10 hours, the guy's been like a brotha from anotha motha. It's like we've known each other since kindergarten. I've made awesome friends before (no offense Stephen, Josh, Dharani) but I've never met anybody who acts like my twin. We've got the same taste in movies, same passion for RTS games, same mad interest in fitness and same drive to beat one Rica at badminton.

It's interesting how all of the events in history have led to this. How else would a Chinese guy born and raised somewhere far away meet an Indian (who also happens to be from far away)? Then again, UW is pretty much like the Twilight Zone when it comes to things like this - some of my wildest dreams have come true on this amazing campus.

Alright, here's to my new bestest friend ever! You da man, Longfei! If only we were roommates... Damn that would be fun.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Movin' on along

As the end of the quarter approaches, the to-do list grows out of control. A great many things have been keeping your fav superhero busy lately.

Apart from the many new obligations of a college freshman / junior, I've got a midterm in calculus this wednesday and I'm trying to wrestle down this programming assignment from the depths of hell. But I'm winning this time. That miraculous upswing that I was hoping and praying for is finally here and I'm so charged. I'm going to beat down everything that stands between me and a good GPA this quarter!!

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Unexpected and Unforeseen Sadness

Currently listening to: My Immortal from Fallen by Evanescence

This morning I was browing deviantART and I found something that really moved me to tears today. It was so random and unexpected. Go see the last note for yourself. Even though it was about a complete stranger, it really made me question what I'm doing with my life. When you love someone, just go ahead say it out loud. It might be your last chance... or their last chance to hear it.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Discovering New Music

Halloween was crazy. Well, that was irrelevant - and blatantly obvious. Actually, I'm going to have to say a lot of irrelevant things. But that seems to be the purpose of a blog.

Apart from my recent interest in Evanescence, POD, Fergie and Linkin Park, a lot of crazy things have happenned. Halloween was in fact wild. I invite the interested reader to guess why - and assume correctness.

I've been working out - that's become a usual part of my life now. In fact, I'm totally sore right now. Who knew a ~130 pounder like me could leg press 500lbs? For some reason, I love the sensation of being sore all over. endorphins!! *cough cough*

I've also been eating like I'm 12 years old again. I think I really am going to pack my Freshman 15 right into my very first quarter in college. But it'll be a good gain - due to increase in muscle mass! If I can just fix my sleep schedule, then I'd be truly happy.